Between a back injury and a fractured neck, I have undergone eight back surgeries and four neck surgeries. It seems I spent a lot of my prime time years either in the hospital or recuperating at home. When I was younger, envisioning my future, becoming disabled never crossed my mind. Becoming disabled, surely, messed with my mind. Parts of you are striped away, gone and I felt I was in morning for myself. I had been a very active person, athletic, outgoing. Loved to play softball on a women's league, bowled, rode motorcycles and dune buggies in the desert, hiked in the mountains, loved going on roller coasters. Whatever job I held, I was proud to do a great job. After disability, I felt worthless. No one could count on me, I couldn't even count on myself for a long time. I felt as if I were just using up space. The one thing that kept me going, was hearing the pitter patter of my first grandchild, when she would come to visit me. And then, there were three more sets of feet. For them, I kept living.
After many years of "learning to live" with chronic pain (I actually forget what it feels like not to hurt) and doing what I can, when I can, I've come to some peace. Not to say that there are never days when I cry and wish...but I try very hard not to have too many pity parties.
And that first grandchild is now 21 and my other grandchildren are 18, 13 and 8. I am so very glad I'm here to see how they have grown and are growing. I love to make them laugh!
My spirit still thinks I'm thirty...it was a great year! It sometimes gets impatient with me when I can't keep up. But, then, turns around and pats me on the back for making it this far. I can't stop, I gotta' keep on truckin'! 
